Who Cares: A Loving Guide for My Future Caregivers

“This wonderful little book gives you an opportunity to interact with those who will one day be your caregivers. What an important gift you can give yourself.”

Mark Victor Hansen

Co-creator, #1 New York Times best selling series

Chicken Soup for the Soul

GCM Journal (National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers)

Reviewed by Carolyn Whitman, MS, RN

Dee Marrella writes this fill-in-the-blank book as a loving daughter. The book is well organized and would be easy to use by anyone – it is best suited to be used by someone that still has most of his or her mental capacity. It is necessary in order to use this book to reflect on their life and express their likes, dislikes and plans for the future. It is a guide that when used would give caregivers an outline of how to best deliver care when perhaps the loved one can no longer express these wishes. It is not easy and sometimes physically impossible to say, “Just sit with me and hold my hand” or “Take me to see a sunset” or “Read me a funny story.” But these kinds of desires can be put in this book. In addition, serious end of life issues like DNR orders, living wills, health care surrogate selection and wills are addressed in this little book.

As professional geriatric care managers, we could certainly recommend this book for our friends, caregiver classes, professional contacts, family and any client cognitively aware enough to complete it. Many of the items that are repeatedly on care plans are included in this book, such as advance directives, lists of physicians, list of medications, personal preferences, and last wishes.

NAELA News (National Association of Elder Law Attorneys)

Reviewed by Wendy H. Sheinberg, Esq.

The truth about our lives and who we are is that no one really knows anything about our thoughts, experiences, dreams and wishes until we share them. That being said, what happens when we forget our thoughts, our experiences, our hopes and our dreams? What happens to the thoughts, experiences, dreams and wishes go unshared? Do they disappear forgotten? And do bits of us disappear with them like tiny wisps of smoke?

Dee Marrella has authored a handy guide that is designed to allow each of us to put pen to paper and tangibly capture our wisps of smoke.

The book is organized and user-friendly; portions of the book are set up in a fill in the (very large) blanks manner. The front inside cover has lines for the owner’s name, the names and contact information for health care and financial decision making agents. It also has a place to indicate where the advance directives are located and the name and contact information for the owner’s attorney.

The author shares her very personal story as a caregiver, and her hope to spare her own children the unending self doubt and guilt that she experienced when her mother became incapacitated and later became a resident in a skilled nursing facility. Ms Marrella urges her read: “Do not assume people know these things about you. Do not assume that they will remember. TELL THEM.” She states that the book is the owner’s “chance to direct not only the care that they will receive, but the who’s, what’s, when’s, where’s, and how’s of his or her daily life.”

Part One contains general care instructions and offers a sample letter to future caregivers, and provides pages for the owner to pen their own. It affords the owner the opportunity to truly speak to her future caregivers in vivid detail about what she want her physical world to look like as well as her wishes for visitors, entertainment and general stimuli. The sample letter is represented as the author’s letter to her own children; it is deeply personal and serves as an example, for the owner’s individual letter.

The book provides for the insertion of vital information, such as doctor’s names and contact information, allergies, etc. The book also provides for the owner to list medical conditions and medications, obviously this portion should be updated periodically, which the book does caution.

There are also sections where the owner can:

· Familiarize the reader with her traditions for secular and religious holidays, as well as family occasions.

· Indicate her family history.

· Indicate her descendants and extended family.

· Include detailed information on her financial and business affairs.

· Pass along the valuable lessons she has learned in life and would like to pass on to her loved ones.

All in all, Who Cares is a wonderful, well thought-out book, which if fully utilized can allow the owner to provide a deeper insight into who she is and what she may want while giving her caregivers a greater sense of her wishes. Even though, we always counsel out clients to speak to those who are appointed to care for them in the event of incapacity, most clients find that undertaking a conversation about their future care is difficult. Who Cares takes that conversation to a deeper level and for many may avoid the emotional upset they feel in contemplating these conversations face to face.

When I began to read Who Cares, I found myself thinking: "I wish my own parents had provided these insights for my brother and me." Suddenly, I realized that was not the relevant point -- I need to share my thoughts on this important matter with my own children. Now is the time for me to use this book; not later when I may be incapable of coherent and dispassionate reflection on such essential information. All of us who may need the care of our loved ones should read and use this wonderful book to help cover the points that Dee Marrella brings to our attention. Her contribution is an endearing and enduring one; take advantage of it and help the loved ones who will soon show "who cares."

- Pat Toffler

New York

A Book About You!

As we get older, each of us should talk to our spouses and grown children about our likes and dislikes so that they will know how to best care for us. But what if they forget?

This book, “Who Cares: A Loving Guide for Caregivers” by Dee Marrella, ensures that they won’t forget. It is a reference book about YOU. When completed, it contains all pertinent information about you in one convenient location: Your personal likes and dislikes, your personal beliefs, physical problems, medications and allergies, family medical history, favorite brand of personal products such as toothpaste, wishes for medical treatment and life support, preferred healthcare providers such as doctor and dentist, daily routine, favorite foods, hobbies, clothing sizes and preferences, favorite forms of entertainment, and favorite places to visit. This is just a partial list.

The scope of information included in this book is amazing.

“Who Cares” will help caregivers know the wishes and desires of the person in their care. Completing this book will provide our children with information about how to best care for us. This one book provides great benefits for the caregiver and the person for whom is provided. This book provides a way to communicate our guidelines of how to best care for us. Through this book we can communicate our wishes to our children even if we lose our ability to communicate verbally.

I applaud Dee Marrella for writing this book. It is written with such insight and attention to detail that it could have been written only by someone who had been a caregiver herself. When completed this book provides a way to communicate your wishes to your children and relieves them of the anxiety and guilt of doing something wrong.

Shelf price: $ 16.95. Freedom from guilt: Priceless.

Review by Marian R. Kranz PT

Senior Issues Columnist/Author

Writer, Senior Wire News Service

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